Never Meant to be So Cold
by Heiri-XQR
Summary: Goku has died, Vegeta is left to mull over how he feels and has an epiphany. Song: Cold by Crossfade.


A/N: Finally stopped being lazy and typing up a fic! (thanks to YuanShao) A songfic with the song "Cold" by Crossfade. I've been inspired by the AMVs on youtube. Sort of VegetaxGoku. Vegeta's POV.

**Never Meant to be So Cold**

"Kakarot?!" I yelled in disbelief. "Kakarot is dead?!"

Surely it wasn't possible. How could it be that the great super Saiyan fell before I did?

"I'm so sorry, Chi Chi," I heard Bulma say. I couldn't stay here, I had to get away.

_Looking back at me_

_I see that I never really got it right._

_I never stop to think of you_

_I'm always wrapped up in things I cannot win._

There is an emptiness now. I never realised how much time we spent together, how much I'd miss your silly little jokes. It was always a smile with you, you smiled for me too!

I'm actually crying over your death. I never spared anyone, I never had wet eyes. I didn't think I could actually care for someone like you, Kakarot. I love you…

_You are the antidote that got me by_

_Something strong like a drug that gets me high._

I saw Gohan sitting alone, head in hands. I was reminded of when I lost my father. We were both too young.

I sat down beside him and actually hugged him. He tensed for a second, but then burst into tears, crying into my chest and setting me off.

Was I trying to fool myself into thinking he was you?

_What I really meant to say_

_Is I'm sorry for the way I am_

_I never meant to be so cold_

_What I really meant to say_

_Is I'm sorry for the way I am_

_Never meant to be so cold, never meant to be so_

_Cold_

I lay in bed, thinking of all the opportunities I'd had to…just talk with you, really. All the times I'd ignored you or rejected you.

It's taken your death to make me realize how much I need you and want you.

For once I'm losing sleep over you not being here, rather than because you're too strong for me.

_To you I'm sorry 'bout all the lies_

_Maybe in a different light_

_You could see me stand on my own again_

_Cause now I can see._

I wake up from another nightmare, well the same one I've had for the last 7 years. If I could, I'd go back in time and change the way I treated you. We would've had a different relationship.

"Goku's coming?!" I hear Bulma yell. "Are you sure?!"

What?! Did she say what I think she said? She better have meant that; it just pains me when people mention that name… It plants false hope in my heart.

"Vegeta! Goku's coming back!!!" She was screaming that all the way to the bedroom. "He's coming! He's coming! An hour!"

Then she left.

I jumped out of the bed and was ready in 5 minnutes, only 55 more to go…

_You are the antidote that got me by_

_Something strong like a drug that got me high._

We all assembled, waiting. When I saw you, I wanted to scream, cry… Just as I remembered you.

When they all went to hug you, I wanted to as well, but I was rooted to the ground. I wanted to touch you, to know that you were really there, but something was stopping me.

Then I noticed the halo. You're still dead.

"Remember, Goku, 24 hours, that's all."

The fire in my heart was almost extinguished by that.

_What I really meant to say_

_Is I'm sorry for the way I am_

_I never meant to be so cold, never meant to be so cold._

_What I really meant to say_

_Is I'm sorry for the way I am_

_I never meant to be so cold,_

_Never meant to be so cold…_

23 hours gone, and no time for you to pause and think of me. Yet, all the time I couldn't stop watching you.

Finally we were alone.

Once I knew that no one could see, I embraced him and he too, put his arms around me.

"Kakarot, I…I'm sorry."

_I never meant to be so cold_

I broke down, tears of joy and sorrow flowing freely.

"Gosh, Vegeta, it's nice to know that you care. I missed you too."

"I never thought I cared. It's lonely without you. I love you, Kakarot."

_I never really wanted you to see_

_The screwed up side of me that I keep_

_Locked inside of me so deep_

_It always seems to get to me._

"I'm sorry, Kakarot, sorry for everything!" I said. Sorry for leaving, sorry for fighting, sorry for being me, for the way I am. So cold.

I peeled myself from his chest and put my lips to his.

"I really do regret some things…" I confessed.

"Vegeta, I forgive you. _I'm_ sorry I can't stay. I've got to go."

Please, Kakarot, don't leave me again. I don't want to feel that pain. There's still so much to say.

_I never really wanted you to go_

_So many things you should have known_

_I guess I wanted you to just know I never meant to be so cold._

I watched with the others as he faded away, back to the next dimension. I stood by a tree, thinking over the last 24 hours, about out encounter.

I already longed to see him again.

Sorry for the times I failed you, Kakarot. I just want to prove myself.

Gohan was coming towards me, eyes glistening, just as mine were.

He'd come a long way in 7 years.

We held each other for some time, just as we had so often since _his _passing.

"I never knew how you felt deep inside," he said. So, we hadn't been as alone as I'd thought.

"I love your father, deep down I always have. It's just now I'm not ashamed to admit it."

He nodded, a single tear – or joy of sorrow? – rolled down his cheek.

"And remember this," I said, wiping the tear away and making eye contact, "I love you, too."

A small smile began to appear.

I pulled him close and stayed with him for a long time after that.

_What I really meant to say_

_Is I'm sorry for the way I am_

_I never meant to be so cold_

_Never meant to be so cold._

THE END

A/N: Hope I didn't waffle too much. I enjoyed writing it.  The Gohan and Vegeta thing is meant to be a father-son thing. (Was it obvious?) Please review!


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